O.B.A

O is for obedience. She obeys him. B is for bondage. Like in marriage: tied together by mutual commitment. A is for adoration. He adores her.

OBA is a formula for your love relationship. Many (most?) love relationships start by promising joy and happiness and end in disappointment. OBA is a different kind of relationship. The formula will result in a different kind of union. OBA relationships are deep, not shallow. They involve serious commitments, deep emotions and extreme intimacy. No passion, no OBA.

Basic Structure
Adoration
Gentlemen: have you ever truly adored a woman? Not ‘desired a woman,’ not ‘found a woman attractive,’ but true adoration. You wake up in the middle of the night and there she is, sleeping beside you. You are overcome with emotion: she is so very beautiful. (It’s safe to feel those huge emotions now because it’s the middle of the night and no one knows how you feel but you.) You adore her. You totally adore her. You will defend her with your very life, if necessary. You long to provide her with everything she could ever need or want. But most of all, you love to penetrate her; to feel her response to your manhood, to feel her enthusiastic surrender to your movement. Somehow you know she is a gift to you. She is living proof that somewhere in your past, you must have done something truly great to have earned this gift. Just to lie with her is heaven enough. You adore her.
Adoration is an emotional mind. We men are trained to not be emotional. That’s why adoration is difficult for most of us. But, this type of adoration, the adoration of a man for his woman, is easy. Our natural sex drive makes it easy. Our sex drive is always running in the background. In OBA, we train to become more aware of our sex drive; and more aware of how to use it to adore her.
We adore her for her benefit, not ours. All human beings love being loved. All of us. Some say women love love more than men. I’m not so sure of that, but I do know one thing for certain. She will love the fact that you adore her. In fact, the more you adore her, the more she will love being adored. But it is important to be strong on one point: our adoration is strictly for her benefit, not for our benefit. Of course, we could receive some benefit from a love partner we adore. But that is not the purpose of our adoration. Self serving is not what OBA is all about. We adore her because we adore her. Not because we know she’ll be hotter in bed or cooler in the next argument. Not because she’ll give us anything in return: we adore her. Period. No strings attached. No matter what. For richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse, we adore her. Unconditional adoration, freely given. A man must put all his energy, all his passion, all his ambition and all his lust into his feelings toward his mate. No holding back. No excuses.
Adoration is the foundation of OBA, and the man is in charge of it. The success or failure of OBA lies in the power of his adoration.

Obedience
Ladies: think carefully about this question. How difficult is it to obey the one who adores you? I am not asking how difficult it would be to obey your boss, a police officer directing traffic or your doctor. We are used to making decisions regarding obedience to these authority figures. Children are used to obeying their parents and teachers. Obedience is a natural part of our society. We all know how it works; we know the pros and the cons. And we all know the pitfalls of blind obedience and disobedience. Our society trains us very well in the nuances of obedience. But that’s not what we are discussing here. Here we are pondering taking orders from the one who utterly adores us.
Our great grandmothers used to promise to love, honour, respect and obey their new husbands. It was the way of that era. But now we modern women scoff at the very notion of obedience. It’s a matter of pride. We are equal, and there’s no room for obedience between equals. That’s what they say and that’s what we believe. I sometimes wonder if our great grandmothers were really that stupid. How could they trust him? What happened when he ordered them to do something wrong? Would the Victorian wives obey? Or would they break their vows? Obedience leaves us vulnerable. Are we OK with being vulnerable?
Our natural tendency is to not think carefully about important issues, but to follow the most popular current view. OBA cannot work if we follow the popular path.
What is involved in obeying the one who adores us? What kind of orders would we be obeying? What kind of orders come from one who adores us? What kind of orders do we give our children? What kind of orders do we give our pets? Do we adore our children or our pets? Or do we only adore ourselves?
How obedient are our children? Our pets? How obedient can we be? How obedient were our great grandmothers?

Bondage
Ladies and gentlemen: are you willing to be helplessly tied up, bound to one person and one person only? Bound by adoration and obedience? Are you willing to be helplessly tied up, your movement and freedom restricted to the point where you must surrender to the love of this one and this one alone? Are you willing to be so helplessly bound that your only function is your lover’s pleasure and well-being?
Have there ever been such lovers as these? Has there ever been such passion, such devotion?

OBA seems like high risk to those who can’t commit; or those who do not trust. But it’s not high risk at all. We’ve all done it. When we were helpless children wobbling at our mother’s knee, we were in exactly such a situation. But, when we grew up, our child-like trust and innocence vanished like the morning mist. Our reasons for abandoning our innocence and trust are easy to recite and socially acceptable. We can read about betrayal in the papers every day. We hear betrayal stories all the time. Of course, we stand on guard.

“Our lives are what our beliefs make them.” (Markus Aurellius, second century Emperor of Rome) If we believe we will be betrayed, we will live our lives in fear. OBA demands we live our lives in love, adoration obedience and bondage. Not fear of betrayal.

For this reason, it is important to make the right choice in lovers. This is a discussion of some of the pitfalls in deciding who your mate might be.

She must be adorable. If a woman does not respect herself, she will not react naturally to being adored. Self respect in women takes the form of self nurturing. (Self nurturing means she looks after herself; good food, decent accommodation, cares for herself. Self respect means she knows who she is and how she behaves. She has principles and lives by those principles.) She should have friends and be a part of her community. She must be sexually attracted to you. She must desire you.
He must be honourable. He must live his life in accordance with his principles. One of his principles must be that he confides in you. You know all his principles. All of them. He hides nothing from you. You must be able to satisfy him. If he is insatiable, if he cannot be satisfied, he is not qualified to be your lover. He must demonstrate an ability to control his negative emotions (anger, impatience, frustration, jealousy).
Both partners must clearly understand the law of cause and effect. Everything we do becomes the cause of something else. Everything we do was caused by something else. Once we understand that truth, our bonding vows must contain a clause stating that we live our lives so that we cause happiness to our partner. We live our lives with a focus on creating causes, not on creating effects. Both partners must value the relationship ahead of valuing themselves. (Us first, not me first) (Us first, my partner second, me third)
We live in a “me first” world. We live in a world of instant gratification. These form the background noise for our OBA relationship. This unfortunate background noise has the potential to destroy the life you want to lead. “Me first” causes us to harm others so we can have our way. Harming others causes others to harm us. “Instant gratification” causes us to do things that help us in the short term, but lead to long term problems: short term gain leads to long term pain. These are the constant enemy of all relationships. Your partner must understand these two cause-and-effect realities.
All relationships are “live and learn.” At first, we have to iron the wrinkles out of our relationship. The most difficult part of a successful long term relationship is the first bit. Fortunately, strong sexual attraction makes it easy for us to keep on trying. It is important not to weaken the sexuality of the relationship, especially at the beginning. Good sex is our reward being patient and respectful even when we know we are right. Sometimes we have to give in in order to strengthen the relationship. Physical, sexual pleasure is our compensation for giving in. Fortunately, as we live and learn, our sense of pride diminishes and it becomes easier to let the other one have their way. Adoration and obedience are also learned behaviours. They too, lead to physical and sexual pleasure. Counselors tell us that relationships have a honeymoon phase, which gives way to a longer term, less sexual relationship. This is true for weak relationships. But a relationship where adoration is constantly rising is much stronger than a normal relationship.
On average, men have a higher sex drive than women. In ordinary relationships, when “the honeymoon is over,” most men experience significant frustration. Obedience and adoration destroy this frustration. Knowing this helps men commit without fear of sexual betrayal. In those unions where the woman has a higher sex drive than her partner’s, adoration will insure that the honeymoon never ends. He will adore your sexuality, and he will love you for it. Your libido will spark his. (Yes, I know that female libido universally sparks male libido. But in a relationship where her drive is higher than his, this is more important.)

The OBA relationship solves many of the “normal” problems of today’s weak couple relationships. In selecting a mate, select one who can actually live this way. Use the OBA arrangement as a test of character for your potential lover/partner. Can they do it? Is he capable of ultra-adoration? Is she capable of humble obedience? Is she capable of being adored? Is he capable of giving instructions for her benefit ahead of his own?

KennyDN’s personal promise:
To Him: adoration is a concept used by certain very spiritual people to attain high realizations. If you learn to adore at a very high level, you will experience a mind similar to those advanced religious practitioners. You do not have to be religious in order to receive this advanced type of consciousness. You simply have to learn to adore exquisitely.

To Her: humble obedience is a concept used by certain very religious people to attain high realizations. If you learn to obey at a very high level, you will experience a mind similar to those advanced religious practitioners. (This is sometimes referred to as “surrender.”) You do not have to be religious to receive this advanced type of consciousness. You simply have to learn to surrender.

To Both: “Advanced type of consciousness” is real. It is real. Your mind actually thinks differently. Almost everyone has experienced those “ah-ha! moments.” That’s your advanced mind kicking in. In OBA, you train your mind to adore and obey. This means you give your mind experience in the “ah-ha!” zone. As it gets used to operating in the ah-ha zone, it gets stronger and stronger. It’s like physical training. The more you use a muscle, the stronger it gets. The same is true for the mind.

On Commitment
The German poet and philosopher, Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe, wrote the following truth:

“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to back out, and ineffectiveness concerning all acts of initiative and creation.
There is a fundamental truth, the ignorance of which has killed countless ideas and brilliant plans: “At the moment one definitely commits one’s self, The Forces of the Universe move too. All sorts of things happen that would never have happened without definite commitment. Because of one’s decision to commit, a whole stream of supportive events flows his way. Meetings, material assistance and unforeseen incidents which one could never have dreamed, line up to support the one who commits.”
Whatever you can do or dream, you can. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now.

Once again: “boldness has genius, power and magic in it.” Boldness is the cause: genius, power and magic are the effects.

KennyDN www.kennydn.com